If I Would've Known
by xXBalorBabeXx
Summary: It was that time of year again, the time she wanted to remember the good times... but when November rolls around, it hits her all over again. (Co-written with Cry-Of-A-Warp-Engine)
1. Needing To Unwind

_**11/2/15, 3:30 am…**_

 _In the bar at the hotel and drinking heavily, Seth found himself arguing with Baron._

 _"Why don't you just give the poor girl a break! It's just characters she and Finn play on Tv and even if they are together, what business is it of-" Baron shouted, cut off by Seth punching the self proclaimed lone wolf in the face… and Baron returning the favor with one of his own._

 _"You overgrown shitbird!" Seth shouted, tackling Baron to the floor at the same time that an exhausted Amanda was getting off of the elevator and heading towards the bar, a call from the bartender being the reason why._

 _"For fuck's sake, stop this fucking second!" Amanda screamed, the young diva running over and trying to pull the two apart… only to receive a strong punch in the face that threw her back first into the bar._

 _"Damn it…" Baron said quietly, him pulling Seth up and both walking towards Amanda, who backed away._

 _Amanda's instinct was to grab a Heineken bottle and smash it against the bar, aiming the jagged edges at the Architect and the Lone Wolf, both backing away in shock._

 _"Keep… your damn hands off me! Both of you!" Amanda hissed angrily, the small brunette dropping the bottle and heading back to the elevator._

 _Pressing the button that closed the doors, Amanda pressed the button that led to the fifth floor and closed her eyes._

 _She didn't know who had punched her… and at the moment, she was too angry to think straight and didn't care._

 _'Damn… why couldn't I have just stayed up in the room with Finn and slept?! Oh damn it, he's gonna lose it!' Amanda thought, blood trailing from the split in her lower lip as she got off the elevator and headed towards her room. Shaking, she put the keycard in the slot but the door wouldn't open when she pulled on the handle._

 _"We're a few rooms down the hall, my little…" Amanda heard, causing her to jump out of her skin and spin around… and Finn's blue eyes widened in shock when he saw her bruised right eye and bleeding lip._

 _"Mandy, what happened?!" Finn asked, his hands immediately on Amanda's shoulders._

 _They only played the Demon King and Demon Mistress characters on Tv but he cared about her too much and seeing her hurt, it angered him._

 _"Drunken fistfight between Seth and Baron… fucking idiots." Amanda answered, Finn helping her to their room and opening it with the keycard before the two walked in and he got her to sit down before he closed the door._

 _"Damn… whoever punched ya really put a lot of force into it. You're lucky to still be conscious, lass." Finn said, putting some ice in a plastic bag and pressing it to Amanda's bruised face._

 _"Strong enough to throw me back first into the bar." Amanda muttered quietly, Finn pulling the back of Amanda's hoodie and cami up and seeing the bruises forming._

 _"Fucking hell…" Finn growled under his breath, remembering that the last time he had seen bruises on her back, they had resulted from Kevin Owens's finisher as he noticed Amanda rubbing her right shoulder. "Hold still." He said, his accented voice returning to its gentleness as he unzipped Amanda's hoodie, pulled it off and examined her right shoulder._

 _There was no bruising… but he could tell that it hurt her. Setting the ice pack off of her face, he decided to bandage it to her shoulder instead and turned the Tv on._

 _'The things I do to try to help friends.' Amanda thought… and ironically, it was at the same time that the familiar pink dog she grew up watching on Tv said "The things I do for love.", Amanda chuckling at that and letting a small smile out, finding comfort in Finn helping her and in Courage talking._

 _"Watching this in my younger years, I sometimes got the feeling that it wasn't meant to be watched by anyone under 13." Amanda replied._

 _"Especially with the King Ramses and Freaky Fred episodes." Finn responded._

 _"Oh, King Ramses gave me nightmares as a child." Amanda said, her and Finn laughing._

 _"Return the slab… or suffer my curse." Finn responded, his impersonation of King Ramses making Amanda laugh again._

 _"What's yer offer?!" Amanda asked, mimicking Eustace and making Finn laugh._

 _Unwrapping the bandages from her after the next episode started, which in irony was King Ramses Curse, Finn helped Amanda lie down on the bed and pulled the covers over the pajama clad brunette before stretching out next to her._

 _Long days and nights travelling on the road weren't so crazy with the two helping each other take their minds off things..._

 **Present time** _ **, 11/2/15, O2 Arena**_ **…**

Finn walked around sometime after 9 at night, looking for Amanda after Enzo had informed him of what he described as _"A hellcat fight between Liv and Mandy."_ had occurred because Liv just would not let her paranoia about Dianne drop… and it didn't take long for him to find her, Amanda's knees up to her body and her back against a production crate as her head rested on her knees.

Given that she had scratches on her arms and bruises on the knuckles of her right hand, Amanda had certainly taken the least amount of damage in the fight… while Amanda was one of the shortest wrestlers in the company, she was also one of the most dangerous when she felt backed into a corner and tended to turn catfights into brawls.

Judging from the bruises, Finn knew that a steel chair had been involved and knew how… so he walked over, crouched down and rested his hands on Amanda's legs, Amanda looking up.

"You punched a steel chair into Liv's face, didn't you?" Finn asked, Amanda nodding.

"She just won't back off of Dianne and Enzo's friendship and it's driving me nuts! All that fighting just..." Amanda responded, Finn lightly rubbing the 25 year old's injured hand before he pulled her into his lap.

"Makes you think back to you and your old friend Andre fighting during those last few days you two were around each other?" Finn asked, Amanda nodding.

"I just wanted him to understand why I was leaving… that town just held too many painful memories after..." Amanda responded quietly as she rested her head on Finn's right shoulder and his arms wrapped around her, tears on the edge of spilling over.

He knew what she had meant… the accident that had claimed Sachael's life when Sachael was 16 and Amanda was 14 and a reckless driver had crashed his car into both girls.

The most horrific part to Finn was that the girls were just walking home from school that afternoon when the driver had injured Amanda and killed Sachael… and that Amanda saw her surrogate sister's life slip away within seconds.


	2. Gone Like That

_**11/2/04…**_

 _The screams and cries for help cut through the freezing wind and Ty's head snapped up before he bolted to the source of them… and his eyes widened in horror._

 _The 18 year old got into the abandoned car and managed to drive it back, Amanda managing to free her left leg, which was trapped in between the front right tire and the building, and Sachael hitting the freezing pavement… and Ty helping Amanda to sit up._

 _And that's when both noticed that their friend wasn't moving._

" _Sachael?!" Amanda replied as she tried to help her… but Ty pulled Amanda back, realising what the injured girl didn't._

" _She's gone, Mandy…" Ty whispered with tears in his eyes._

" _No! No, she's not gone! She's just badly hurt!" Amanda yelled in denial, Ty pulling the sobbing brunette closer to him. "She can't be gone…" She responded through her sobs, Ty carefully resetting Amanda's left leg and causing her to scream at the same time Val and Liara reached them._

" _Li, call 911. Val, hold Mandy's leg still." Ty replied, the two doing as he instructed and Ty keeping Amanda warm by putting his jacket on her and holding her in his arms._

 _At the hospital, Amanda was quiet and worn out… her left leg was in a red cast that was just below her knee and in a traction device._

 _And Ty stayed by her side as Liara broke the news to Andre and Immy… and Immy broke down sobbing as Andre held her._

 _Ty turned to Amanda, who was still quiet… and he lightly stroked her hair._

" _What are we gonna do without her, Ty?" Amanda questioned, breaking the silence._

" _We stay strong for each other. We need to." Ty replied before he kissed Amanda on her forehead…_

 **Present time…**

Dean had stopped walking down the hallway when he saw Amanda cuddled up in Finn's arms and her face lightly stained with tears.

"Nothing to kill or die for… and no religion too. Imagine all the people living life in peace…" Finn quietly sang to her.

"You may say I'm a dreamer… but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us and the world will be as one…" Amanda sang in response, her voice slightly rough.

' _Something ain't right…'_ Dean thought.

But not wanting to intrude or press Amanda for information right now, he let her and Finn be and walked back down the hallway.

In the locker room, he found Roman.

"You look distracted, little brother." Roman responded.

"Found Mandy crying." Dean explained, Roman turning to him.

"Was she alone?" Roman questioned.

"No, Finn was with her and consoling her… I didn't want to ask what had happened, Mandy's not exactly the best at telling us what's wrong." Dean answered.

"Yeah, true." Roman responded.

"Yeah, it just… it bugs the hell outta me that she tells Finn these things and not us. We've known her for years." Dean admitted as they sat down.

"I think in her own time, she'll tell us." Roman responded.

Back in the locker room Amanda shared with Finn, Amanda answered her phone.

"Hello?" Amanda questioned.

"Amanda?" The man responded, Amanda's eyes widening.

"It's been a long time… what happened?" Amanda replied as she sat down, recognising the voice of Sachael's father Arthur.

"Mandy, I… you helped me recover from losing Sachael, you're so much like her… there might not be someone else like that. It's George, he's…" Arthur spoke, starting to explain but trailing off. It was enough though, for Amanda to realise what had happened to Sachael's year younger brother.

"No…" Amanda responded as she curled herself onto the couch, tears running down her face.

"He's gone…" Arthur replied.

"I… I'll be on the first flight back. I'm so sorry." Amanda responded.

"It was to be seen coming I suppose…" Arthur replied, thinking out loud at first. "About a month ago, he came home from his sister's grave, seemed… off. Doctors claimed he was in some sort of spontaneous burst of insanity, he claimed he'd seen her image… her from that night, and that everywhere he looked he could see her… broken. Too much for him… the 5:07 passenger train ended it for him."

Amanda clamped her right hand over her mouth to muffle a sob… but the door opened anyway and she knew it was Finn.

"I'll let you go, kiddo." Arthur replied before they hung up, Amanda burying her face in her hands and Finn walking over and pulling her into his arms as she cried.

After she had worn herself out, she explained it… and then she looked at him.

"I want to go home… to say goodbye to him." Amanda replied as Finn held her.

"You need to. And I'll be there with you." Finn responded quietly with the proximity of his mouth to her left ear.

Amanda rested her head on Finn's right shoulder as he kissed her forehead… and then the two heard a knock at the door before Hunter spoke but not to them.

"Are you sure you heard crying in here?" Hunter asked Stephanie.

"Hunter, we've known her for 14 years…" Stephanie responded before the door opened and they saw Finn and Amanda… and Finn's right arm around Amanda's back, her eyes reddened.

"She got some devastating news, one of her childhood friends took his own life." Finn explained, Stephanie's and Hunter's eyes widening.

"I don't feel right being on the tour now." Amanda responded as she and Stephanie hugged.

"Home is where we should be to say goodbye." Stephanie whispered before they let go, Amanda and Hunter hugging.

It was when he went to look for them at the hotel that Seth found them leaving their room with their things.

"The hell's going on?" Seth asked.

"Going on home. To Massachusetts, not Florida. Hunter didn't tell you?" Amanda answered as she grabbed her duffel bag.

"He said something personal happened and not to question it." Seth replied.

"When Mandy finds the words to tell you, she'll tell you. Can we leave it at that for now?" Finn responded, which unnerved Seth.

"Seth, move!" Amanda replied as Seth was still in the doorway, Seth turning back to her.

"Not until you give me an answer!" Seth responded before Amanda physically moved him out of her way and slapped him hard across the face.

"I said move, you selfish motherfucker! I've got a lot I'm dealing with so there's no time for you!" Amanda yelled before she and Finn grabbed their things and left, her left hand in his right one as they got into the cab outside and the driver took them to the airport.

"Feel better?" Finn asked as he cradled Amanda to him.

"It felt good yelling at him… and hitting him after all the times he's hurt me." Amanda answered as _Need You Now_ by Lady Antebellum played on the radio.

And Finn knew Amanda really needed him now.


	3. Home

_**11/3/15...**_

The plane had reached West Newbury and Amanda opened her eyes, seeing Finn looking at her.

"We're here." Finn responded as he helped Amanda up to her feet before they grabbed their things and walked out of the plane and through the terminal.

They were in the main part of the airport and heard "That took too long, why did they have us transfer to a different plane in Atlanta?"... and Amanda's eyes widened when she saw Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns.

"Because you got too damn drunk. George was our friend, he wouldn't want that." Luther responded, Finn lightly rubbing Amanda's back.

"Hey… it's okay, they're just here to say goodbye to him just like you." Finn replied, hoping to keep Amanda calm.

Amanda nodded as she leaned against Finn, who wrapped his right arm around her.

Mark looked away from Luther and saw them… and turned back to Luther.

"It's actually Mandy, isn't it?" Luther asked.

"She's all grown up now…" Mark replied, Luther looking to where Amanda and Finn are.

In the ten years that he hadn't seen her, he noticed that she had a little more muscle but was still thin. Her hair had darkened from the light brown that Luther remembered and she looked like she hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in a long time.

"Who's that man near her? He doesn't look familiar to me." Luther responded after he turned back to Mark.

"I think that's Finn Balor… those two have kicked up a hell of a storm in the wrestling world." Mark explained.

"Outside of the ring as well, I take it?" Luther responded.

"Yeah. I really don't like it that a man in his mid 30s is prowling after her." Mark replied.

"Prowling? Mark, she's grown now, who she dates is none of our business." Luther said in response.

Mark let it drop for now and him and Luther walked over to Amanda and Finn.

"Hey, guys…" Amanda responded… and Luther gently pulling her into a hug before they let go and Luther and Finn shook hands.

"Good to know that the little lady is in safe hands." Luther replied, briefly glancing from Finn to Mark as a way of saying _"Be nice!"_ and Mark nodding.

"Yeah… good to know." Mark replied.

"She always will be." Finn responded as his right hand rested on Amanda's lower back.

Driving the rented Chevy Equinox, Amanda turned to Finn.

"You're getting the feeling that Mark doesn't like you all that much…" Amanda spoke up, Finn nodding.

"He looks at me like Seth does… maybe for different reasons but the intent is still the same." Finn answered.

"The last time I saw Mark was when I was about 15… I had just gotten on the road at the time he was released from the company. And we weren't exactly nice to each other because he started blaming Hunter and I said: _"Don't blame others, blame yourself, you arrogant prick!"_." Amanda explained, Finn's blue eyes widening slightly.

"You cussed at him?" Finn responded.

"Not the first time, I picked up on a lot of bad behavior in those days." Amanda replied as she drove down the rural roads… and Finn saw her slow down and look at the rusted ATVs in the field. "I still remember me and George trying to drive over that worn out bridge." She responded in a slightly distant manner as they reached the Cena residence, Amanda parking the car.

But then Finn saw the look in her eyes when they heard the train horn… and he lightly rubbed Amanda's right arm.

"I know it's not fair… but like you, they had no idea he'd be on those tracks." Finn replied softly.

"I feel guilty for not coming home sooner… why couldn't I sense that he was in trouble? I saw him a few months ago at the Performance Center after we had lost Roddy… George seemed to be okay." Amanda responded.

"You were hurting… and he didn't want you seeing that he was hurting too, Darlin'." Finn replied before they hugged.

Andre and Immy exited the house and saw Amanda and Finn in the car.

"Thought we'd see her here… she and George were as much family as she and Sachael were." Immy said as they watched the car pull up.

"Yeah but… I thought she'd come back home alone." Andre replied as Amanda and Finn got out of the car.

"Everyone needs someone to help them through hell." Immy responded as she noticed Amanda's bruised hand. "Not the steel chair stunt again." She muttered.

"I thought she stopped doing that after she broke her hand when she was 19." Andre replied.

"I guess not." Immy responded. "Hey… where's Molly? Why isn't she here to support you?" She asked as Finn and Amanda locked up the car and walked over, Amanda and Immy hugging.

"I'll explain it later." Andre replied as Finn and Amanda headed into the house.

They set their things into her old room and Amanda headed downstairs into the kitchen… and John Sr could see immediately that his little girl was avoiding going to rest, to close her eyes for a bit.

"That young man that slammed the chair into your back… things have gotten worse between you and Seth, haven't they?" John Sr responded.

"Seth's a very jealous man, Dad. At least Mark showed some restraint at the airport earlier… Seth tried to stop me and Finn from leaving the tour." Amanda answered as they sit down. "I went off at Seth, had to physically move him out of the way and slap him. Felt good to after he punched me in a drunken rage." She explained.

After hearing that, John Sr took a washcloth before he ran it under water and removed the concealer... and saw the bruise under Amanda's right eye before Amanda showed him Seth's number on her phone.

"Seth does this again, you send him my way and I'll straighten him out. Finn's clearly protecting you but there are moments he hasn't been able to." John Sr responded, Amanda knowing that he meant it.

The two hugged before Amanda headed upstairs.

And John Sr picked up the house phone, dialing Seth's number.

"Hello?" Seth asked.

"I don't care how tough you think you are boy, you don't ever put your hands on my daughter! Are we clear on that?! I want to hear you say that you'll never hit my little girl again, are we clear?!" John Sr warned, Seth turning startled.

"We're clear, Sir." Seth replied with a tremble in his voice.

"Good." John Sr responded before he hung up.

Amanda had gotten cleaned off and into clean clothes before she saw a picture of her, Sachael, George, Immy and Andre as kids at a SmackDown taping a few months before Sachael's death.

Amanda picked it up as Finn's arms wrapped around her waist and his head rested on her right shoulder.

"We're doing the right thing, coming here… you're not gonna say goodbye alone, Mandy." Finn replied in a whisper as he kissed her on the side of her head and nuzzled his face into hers.

With him, she never felt alone.


	4. Loss Is Hard To Accept

_**11/2/04...**_

" _I just don't get why this guy my brother works with doesn't seem to like me." Amanda responded as they walked on home, both worn down from the long day._

" _Well you did hit him with a steel chair during the summer, Mandy." Sachael replied._

" _It was part of the show, I didn't mean to hurt him." Amanda responded, the girls laughing and Sachael throwing her right arm around the shorter teen._

" _Maybe he's just feeling a little humiliated that someone short kicked his ass, Mandy… he sounds like he holds a grudge over that. Or maybe you just need to get to know Luther better. You might end up working with him one day." Sachael replied._

 _Amanda was about to respond when both girls heard tires screeching loudly and Sachael threw Amanda out of the way to protect her._

 _Amanda's left leg was trapped between the car tire and building and Sachael was pinned down… but she saw the tears start to run down her friend's face._

" _I… I can't feel my leg… Sache… are you okay?" Amanda responded, unable to see properly because of the freshly fallen snow obscuring her vision._

" _I'm okay… we're gonna get out of here, little sis." Sachael replied, before she looked ahead to where the hillside road looked out across the glowing city. "It's… quite a view."_

" _B... B_ _est seats in the house." Amanda responded, thinking for a moment. "Well… far from the best ones actually."_

 _Sachael laughed slightly at that, stopping as she glanced down and saw what she was glad Amanda couldn't. "Yeah, true. You know… I've always wanted wings." She responded, which caught Amanda's attention._

" _Wanted wings?" Amanda questioned as she blinked to clear her eyesight._

" _I think you'll understand at some point, kiddo… take care of them for me." Sachael replied, closing her eyes midway. "I'm… proud of you… well done, mate."_

 _Amanda's instinct was to call out for help… and the next few hours were blurred to her._

 _She woke up in a room and saw John, who pulled her into his arms… and she knew that Sachael was gone._

 _She looked to see George, who's light hazel eyes were reddened and Amanda and John let go before she and George hugged._

" _I am so sorry." Amanda responded as they looked at each other._

" _It's not your fault, Mandy." George replied._

 _John decided to let the two teens be by themselves… they needed each other now more than ever…_

 **Present time** _ **, 11/3/15**_ **…**

Amanda opened her eyes, unsure of when she fell asleep… but she was in Finn's arms and rested her head back on his right shoulder and her right arm around his waist with an oversized blanket over them, which stirred him awake.

Finn kissed Amanda on the top of her head and knew what had been going through her mind as she had slept.

"I always try to block out her last words, those last moments… I don't know why." Amanda responded quietly as they looked at each other.

"You want to remember the good times with your sister." Finn replied.

"I remember her calling me after seeing that episode of SmackDown, seeing Luther get thrown through a wall. She was impressed with me and John protecting each other." Amanda responded as she and Finn sat up… and saw the snow starting to fall. "Every year… it starts earlier." She replied before they heard Andre and Molly talking downstairs.

"I guess that's our cue to go join the others." Finn replied before they stood up and Amanda decided to fix herself up a bit, not wanting them to see her bruised eye.

The split lip wouldn't be easy to hide though.

"So where is your old friend?" Molly questioned as she and Andre sat down on the couch.

"Upstairs, sleeping… I think. Mandy was over in the UK when Arthur called her. Work keeps her on the road most of the year." Andre explained.

"You know… it sounds like a lonely life at times." Molly responded.

' _Yeah until she's cuddled up to whoever he is!'_ Andre thought.

The two saw Amanda and Finn walk downstairs, Amanda having fixed her makeup.

"Hey… your extended family should be here soon." Andre replied, Amanda nodding.

Molly couldn't help but feel bad for Amanda, having lost loved ones herself although not in a gruesome manner.

She knew that loss still hurt though and that while the wound healed, the scars remained… and so she stood up and pulled Amanda into a hug despite not knowing her.

It was later that Amanda and Carol hugged before Amanda hugged her siblings… and her and Dan looked at each other.

"Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo." Dan replied.

"He's right, Mandy. We all stick together through everything." Carol responded as she lightly rubbed her daughter's right shoulder.

When they were alone, Finn turned the radio up a bit as _Burning Rope_ by Genesis began to play and him and Amanda held each other as they slow danced.

"After everything that's happened… I know you need to forget for just a little while." Finn replied as they looked at each other.

"I honestly don't know what I'd do without you in my life, Finn." Amanda responded.

"And I don't know where I'd be without you, Mandy." Finn replied as the song faded out, _Many Too Many_ by Genesis starting to play.

They paid no attention to the knock at the door or it opening and closing as they danced.

And Mark observed them and felt that mix of jealousy, sadness and protectiveness hit him.

But he reminded himself that Amanda was not the 15 year old he left behind anymore… she had grown up.

Mark left, quietly closing the door behind him and brushing tears of anger away as he reached the rented Chevy Traverse and got into it before he drove off as Motley Crue's _If I Die Tomorrow_ played on the radio.

"I don't know where I'd be if I didn't know you, Mandy… but lately it hasn't been so good, to say the least." Mark responded quietly as he glanced at a picture of him and Amanda when they were younger that was clipped to the mirror.

"I miss her too."

Mark turned to the passenger side, eyes widening when he saw Sachael.

"Not a day goes by that I'm not keeping an eye on her… I want to reach out and hug Mandy just like you want her to jump on your back so you can run around an arena with her hanging onto you and make her laugh." Sachael replied.

"She's got someone else that makes her happy now… holds her together when she feels like falling apart. I wish she and I hadn't left things the way we did." Mark replied as he slowed down the speed of the vehicle.

"You can make things better… just give her time to warm back up to you, Mark." Sachael responded, her left hand resting on Mark's right shoulder and him resting his left hand on her left hand.

"I miss you so much, kiddo." Mark replied quietly.

"And I miss all of you… more than you'll ever know." Sachael responded before she disappeared.

Mark headed back onto the hotel, deciding to let Amanda and Finn be for now… he stopped the car in the parking lot, put the picture in his jeans pocket after turning the car off and got out.

With it locked up, he put the keys in his pocket and headed into the Best Western before heading to his own room.

Once in her pajamas, Amanda clipped her hair out of the way and used a charcoal facial wipe to remove her makeup before throwing the wipe away and closing the package.

She washed her face with her favorite peppermint body soap and dried it off before letting her hair down.

Feeling a cold breeze go by, Amanda turned and her eyes widened when she saw Sachael… and Sachael's eyes widened when she saw Amanda's bruised eye and split lip.

But it was the scar on the palm of Amanda's left hand that caught Sachael's attention.

"Mandy…" Sachael replied, trailing off.

"By the time I had lost you, I was losing myself… and I kept putting the pieces back together but then…" Amanda responded. "Have you seen Chris? Does he remember that weekend at all?"

"Blocked it out. When he realised what he had done, he couldn't live with the guilt." Sachael explained.

"I kept ignoring the warning signs after we all lost Eddie… Chris took it harder than I did and I didn't realise that until it was too late. One day… I grabbed a knife while sleep deprived and..." Amanda responded, brushing her tears away and Sachael resting her right hand on Amanda's left shoulder.

"Not too many people you met after 2007 know, do they?" Sachael asked.

Amanda took a deep breath before she readied herself to explain it.


	5. How Am I Still Damaged?

_**A/N: Songs listened to while writing this chapter.**_

 _ **Anchor by Novo Amor**_

 _ **Human by Rag N Bone Man**_

 _ **Lay My Body Down by Rag N Bone Man**_

 _ **Violet Hill by Coldplay**_

 _ **Paralyzed by NF**_

 _ **A/N 2: The first flashback is graphic as it mentions attempted suicide.**_

 _ **A month ago…**_

 _Amanda walked into the locker room and heard "Do you still cut yourself?" and turned to see Seth._

" _What do you want now?" Amanda questioned._

" _Answer my damn question." Seth replied._

" _I was 17… had just lost three people closest to me so I slashed my hand! Only time I ever took a knife to my skin!" Amanda responded. "Now that you know, are you gonna leave me alone? Or were you eavesdropping on me and Finn when I told him months ago?" She asked, Seth standing up and Amanda seeing it clear as day in his eyes._

" _I've known you for five years but you've told him more things about you than you've told me!" Seth responded._

" _Because he doesn't judge me, Seth! I can see that look, you think I'm damaged and that I was looking for a way out when I was a heartbroken kid who just wanted the pain to stop… and had it not been for John finding me that day, I would've bled out." Amanda replied. "I kept losing people… and I just wanted it to stop. And why would you care? You didn't know me then!" She responded before she went to go grab her ring gear… and Seth grabbed her by her right wrist and flung it back, Amanda yelling out as she had felt it leave its socket before she put it back in place and slapped Seth hard with her left hand before she quickly lifted her right leg up, slammed her foot into his sternum and sent him flying into the wall. "Don't ever put your hands on me again!" She yelled as Seth managed to pull himself up, rubbing his head._

 _The crash sent Finn and Dianne running in and Finn held Amanda back to stop her from charging at Seth._

" _The hell's all the noise about?!" Dianne questioned._

" _She fucking attacked me!" Seth responded angrily._

" _You snatched my wrist out of its socket, asshole!" Amanda yelled as she tried to get at him, Finn tightening his hold on her… and seeing how fast her injured wrist was bruising._

" _Get him out of here, Dianne." Finn responded, Dianne doing so as Finn guided Amanda to the trainer's office and kept her close to him to calm her down._

" _You are absolutely screwed, Rollins!" Dianne replied angrily once they were in a different hallway._

" _I'm screwed?! The bitch acted like I was trying to kill her! I flung her arm back to get her to stop ignoring me when she went to go change into her slutty ring gear!" Seth responded, which made Dianne slap him._

" _Every time you hurt her, she associates it with how Randy was and that's never gonna go away! You're a possessive bastard trying to pull her away from someone who actually cares about her!" Dianne shouted._

 _At the same time, Amanda had her wrist splinted as the x-rays in the trainer's office revealed that it was just a dislocation and her wrist just needed to be immobilized for a week._

 _But Finn could see that Amanda was upset and he lightly massaged her shoulders to comfort her, Amanda closing her eyes._

 _She always felt better when he massaged her…_

 **Present time…**

"Sounds like you found yourself a damn good friend in Finn." Sachael replied.

"I don't know where I'd be without him, Sachael." Amanda responded as she felt the sleepiness sneak up on her.

"I think you need your rest, Mandy." Sachael replied before Amanda headed back into her old room.

She curled herself up into the bed and her eyes closed… at the same time, Finn walked into the room.

He quietly closed the door and walked over to the king sized bed, climbing into it and pulling the grey and blue covers and bedsheets over himself before gently pulling Amanda into his arms before he kissed her on the top of her head.

It was the next morning that Amanda opened her eyes and found herself cuddled up in Finn's arms with her head on his right shoulder… and she let out a contented noise, closing her eyes and wrapping her right arm around his waist and moving closer to him.

Finn opened his eyes halfway, smiling at a sleeping Amanda… and looking around her childhood room, picking up a picture of Amanda, Sachael, George, Andre and Immy as young teenagers backstage at an event.

"Much happier times." Finn responded quietly before he set the picture aside and looked back at Amanda, who he hoped was dreaming of those happier times.

 _ **7/20/04…**_

 _Amanda laughed happily as Mark ran through the arena with her onto his back, her arms around him and him hanging onto her as he spun her and himself around before he stopped so both wouldn't get too dizzy._

" _I think that's enough for now, kiddo." Mark responded after putting Amanda on a production crate and turning to her._

" _Yeah, we don't need to get too tired out." Amanda replied, Mark reaching over and brushing Amanda's light brown shoulder length hair back so she could see better and he noticed that she had trimmed her nails and painted them black._

 _Given that she was starting high school soon, he guessed that she was trying something new… and he had a feeling that John wasn't happy about it._

" _Starting over, kiddo?" Mark asked._

" _Yeah… high school starts next month, want to feel like I'm not some little kid there." Amanda answered as George and Sachael walked over with Luther. "Hey…" She replied with a slight smile and Luther smiled back._

" _Hey, kiddo." Luther replied._

" _See, little brother, now we're getting these two to talk." Sachael responded, George wrapping his arms around Amanda and her wrapping her arms around him._

 _Mark was a little concerned but backed off._

' _Just two young kids… that's all.' Mark thought, calming down…_

 **Present time** _ **, 11/4/15**_ **…**

The snow surrounded them, the blizzard having blown in late last night as Molly, Andre and Immy waited for Luther and Mark.

"I hope they remembered the snow chains." Immy replied.

"Me too… think Mandy's awake yet?" Andre responded.

"I wouldn't blame her if she's thinking of backing out but… she needs closure, we all do." Immy answered.

Amanda opened her eyes and looked at Finn… and then looked around.

"I keep thinking we're gonna wake up still on the tour… I don't think it's fully hit me yet that I'm saying goodbye to another friend." Amanda responded quietly, Finn lightly brushing her hair back.

"Feels weird being back here?" Finn asked.

"The last time I slept in this room was when I was 15… I'm not surprised my parents kept it the way it was when I left." Amanda admitted as Finn rested his left arm around her waist and she rested her head on his right shoulder.

"I think they feel that it's where you can rest for longer than a day… home never stops being home just because we're not there longer than a few days." Finn explained.

"Did your parents keep your old room the way it was when you left home?" Amanda questioned as they looked at each other.

"Yes and I think it was right that they did… I was about 18 when I left home, a little older than you were but still a kid." Finn responded as they held each other.

They headed downstairs after getting ready for the funeral and saw Molly, Andre, Immy, Mark and Luther in the living room.

"Breakfast should be ready soon." Carol called out from the kitchen.

"Thanks, Mom." Amanda responded, still half asleep and Finn wrapping his right arm around her back to hold her upright.

Mark kept his cool… but Amanda knew he wasn't happy that another man was touching her.


	6. Saying Goodbye

_**A/N: Song listened to while writing.**_

 ** _Civil War by Guns N Roses_**

 _ **7/4/05…**_

 _"You alright there?" Amanda heard, looked and saw OVW wrestler Ken Doane, who was known as Kenny._

 _"Just… thinking. We could possibly end up on the main roster around the same time." Amanda answered as 19 year old Kenny rested his right hand on her left one. "I got into the developmental roster, I start in September." She said as the two smiled._

 _Looking from the picnic table was Mark, who stood up and was stopped by Santino._

 _"Buddy, relax. She's just talking to him." Santino replied, Mark standing up and walking over… he dragged Kenny up to his feet by his shirt, Amanda standing up as well._

 _"Hey, no fighting! Calm down, Mark, let him go!" The 15 year old said, trying to keep things from spiraling._

 _"The little lady and I were just talking!" Kenny explained but it didn't lessen Mark's anger._

 _"Just talking?! No, you back off, get OUT OF HERE!" Mark yelled, before he slammed his fist into Kenny's face, and naturally Kenny began to fight back._

 _But a mistimed fist hit the wrong target, Amanda falling to the ground and John seeing it from where he was and running to her, him and Kenny helping her up._

 _"Go get some ice." John said, Kenny doing so. "Mark… care to explain why you just punched my kid sister?!" He growled at the taller man, John holding Amanda close to him._

 _"Aim all wrong John, every hit was for that asshole who just left!" Mark answered angrily._

 _"Aim all wrong?! My eye and face feel like they just exploded! Fucking hell, Mark, you are a jealous prick!" Amanda snapped, John applying the ice pack to the bruising skin under Amanda's right eye._

 _"Can't take a hit, guess we all know who won't be following their brother's footsteps." Mark muttered as he looked out of the window._

 _Amanda slammed her foot into Mark's right knee and caused him to scream as he fell before she locked her legs around his left shoulder and pulled on his left arm with her hands, Mark trying to pull at her hair to get her to let go of him until he felt his shoulder snap out of its socket and John and Eddie pulled Amanda off of Mark._

 _Amanda caught her breath as she felt Eddie's hands cradle her face, Eddie lightly kissing her on her forehead._

 _"I applied it wrong, didn't I, Eddie?" Amanda asked quietly as Eddie stroked her hair._

 _"You'll learn in time, kiddo. It takes years of practice, even some of us on the shows get it wrong from time to time." Eddie responded._

 _Amanda nodded as Mark stood up and relocated his shoulder before limping off._

 _"I like that kick to the knee though." Eddie said._

 _"If I could suplex him, I would." Amanda replied as the two chuckled and hugged._

 _She had a feeling that Mark's anger issues would get him released from the company the second she saw the look on Hunter's face._

 _But she had no idea how soon it would be…_

 **Present time** _ **, 11/4/15**_ **…**

The church was quiet still as they walked in, Finn lightly rubbing Amanda's back.

"It's gonna be okay. I'm here, we're all here… you're not alone, Darlin'." Finn responded quietly, Amanda nodding.

"The last time I was in a church by myself, it was to say goodbye to Luna Vachon... but I wasn't alone for long, her ex husband showed up there too." Amanda replied as she looked at the casket. "It's closed… I don't think George wanted a closed casket." She responded before Luther noticed it too.

"Immy, did he say if he ever wanted a closed casket?" Luther asked.

"He only specified one thing… to be buried next to Sachael." Immy answered after they all sat down.

"She's his sister… only makes sense to be buried next to a loved one." Mark responded as they saw Arthur near the casket.

' _His wife, his daughter and now his son…'_ Amanda thought as she brushed her tears away.

"Miracle that the poor man keeps going." Immy said quietly.

"It is…" Amanda whispered before she stood up, walked over to Arthur and the two hugged. "I'm sorry I didn't come home sooner." She responded as they let go, Arthur lightly resting his left hand on her right shoulder.

"You're here now, when everyone needs each other. That's the main thing that matters." Arthur replied as he looked at her.

When they sat down, everyone waited as the priest appeared.

"Saying goodbye is never the easiest thing to do when we lose someone… but while they're physically gone, their spirit never truly leave us…" The priest responded.

As he kept on speaking, Amanda's eyes narrowed slightly as she swore she saw Sachael near the casket… and then Sachael looked right at her, Amanda's eyes widening in fright and shock and Finn resting his right hand on her left wrist as he saw her turn pale.

"She's here, isn't she?" Finn whispered, Amanda nodding.

It was when the casket was lowered into the ground and George was laid to rest that Amanda saw Sachael standing by the headstone… Amanda blinked her tears away as Finn held her close to him.

At the house, Amanda and Finn had walked into the kitchen… and Finn opened the decanter of whiskey and poured some into glasses before he closed the decanter and set it aside.

He and Amanda clinked the glasses together before they drank… and poured some more before they drank again.

A few more drinks had them curled up on the couch, Amanda's head on Finn's left shoulder and Finn's right arm around her waist.

"How are we still conscious after drinking half of that?" Amanda questioned as Finn rested his head on Amanda's right shoulder and nuzzled her neck, evoking a soft laugh from the tiny brunette.

"I don't know how you're conscious but I'm still alert because I'm taller and heavier than you… you're just so damn tiny." Finn responded as they looked at each other.

"I'm not _that_ tiny!" Amanda protested slightly as Finn rested his right hand on her face.

"You are tiny, love… I can just hold you, you fit perfectly in my arms." Finn replied, holding her close to prove his point… and making Amanda blush slightly.

Mink Deville's _Mixed Up, Shook Up Girl_ played on the radio as they looked at each other, Amanda's left hand resting on the side of Finn's neck and Finn's right hand resting on Amanda's left hip.

And with the fireplace going and the lights dimmed slightly, it was easy to see why Dan had misinterpreted what he was seeing when he and John walked in.

"Get your hands off of my little sister!" Dan responded angrily, Finn and Amanda jumping before they got off of the couch as John held Dan back to keep him from attacking Finn as Finn shielded Amanda out of pure instinct.

"Now Dan, just calm down. Finn wasn't hurting Mandy and he never will." John explained, hoping to diffuse things.

"John, you are just as blind about who your sister hangs around as you were 9 years ago." Mark responded after he stumbled in, clearly drunk as he glared at Finn. "Who in the hell do you think you are, walking into her life and charming her?! You know, I bet you'll turn out to be just like Randy but you'll go too far and kill her-"

He was cut off by Finn punching him in the face, Mark falling to the floor out cold as Amanda held Finn back.

Once again, Amanda knew Mark's jealousy had resurfaced.


	7. No More Regrets

_**2/22/15…**_

" _Hey… that was great out there." Seth heard, seeing Amanda… she reached out to hug him but stopped when he lightly pressed his fingers into her collarbone. "Okay, that's not like you at all… what's going on here, Seth?" The 24 year old responded, confused._

" _Nothing." Seth answered and turned to leave… he reached the edge of the hallway when he heard "You know, I'm getting really sick of this, Rollins!" and turned back, walking to Amanda._

" _What did you just say to me?!" Seth demanded._

" _Lately, you've treated me like we barely know each other… and you might not care but that hurts me, Seth. What did I do wrong, why don't you want anything to do with me anymore?" Amanda responded, Seth slamming the Money In The Bank briefcase down in rage and muttering a name under his breath… but Amanda heard it. "He is my friend but the Demon King and Demon Mistress thing, it's just a storyline, Seth. Just like The Shield splitting apart was for the cameras, it shouldn't affect us backstage." She said before he turned back to her._

" _Well it does! Before we know it, you'll be in the same bed and room, you'll be walking out into the arena hand in hand, leg up and lips together and it will be far from 'just an act'!" Seth said._

 _Amanda closed her hazel eyes for a split second and balled up her left hand before punching Seth._

 _She went for a second punch, only to be stopped and see her old friend Joey Mercury._

" _Both of you calm down." Joey said, trying to keep the peace between the two._

" _Joey, stay outta this!" Seth snapped at him._

 _Amanda carefully pulled her hand away and walked off, Joey turning to Seth._

" _That was low, even for you! Mandy is a damn loyal friend, you idiot! And now you just want to kick her to the side because she's found the kind of happiness she hasn't had in years?!" Joey said._

 _Down the hallway, Amanda pulled her hood of her Balor Club hoodie over her head, wanting to just disappear entirely._

 _This was a lot different than NXT but_ _for Finn, it was a good way to learn, watching the main roster matches in person._

 _He stopped for a few seconds when he heard sniffling… the parts of chestnut hair sticking out from the hoodie the small woman was wearing was a dead giveaway to him. But in the few months he had known Amanda, he had never seen her this upset and walked over, crouching down and resting his hands on her knees._

 _Amanda looked up, brushing her tears away._

" _I feel so stupid… I thought that Seth and I had hit a rough patch in our friendship but that we'd fix it…" Amanda said, her voice croaky. "Why did I even bother trying? He just keeps pushing me away_ … _I called him out on it and things went to hell." She said, Finn pulling her into his arms… out of instinct, her arms_ _wrapped around him and her head rested on his left shoulder._

" _He's the one who's stupid, not you. He doesn't see what this does to you." Finn whispered before he picked Amanda up off the floor and took her to where her locker room was, putting_ _her on the couch._

 _He knew this was one of those times where she wished she could drink a glass of whiskey to soothe her nerves._

" _It wouldn't be the first time in this business that it's happened, storyline relationships turning real off camera…." Amanda said quietly, Finn wrapping his arm around her shoulders after she sat up and looked at him. "I'm just… I'm gonna go tell Hunter what happened and about everything…"_

 _Amanda started to stand up but stopped when Finn's left hand wrapped around her right wrist._

" _Whatever happens… between you and me or anyone else, it's none of Seth's business… there's nothing he can do but mouth off about it like a jealous little child." Finn said._

" _Who's gonna believe him anyway?... he needs to get his own life together."_

 _Amanda responded, starting to feel calmer._

" _Exactly, and we're far from the only ones who know that." Finn said, Amanda sitting down again. "Times like these… are when we find out who our true friends and companions are." He said as he wrapped his arms around her when both stretched out on the couch, her resting her head on his torso…_

 **Present time** _ **, 11/4/15…**_

"Sorry he shot his mouth off like that." Amanda responded as she held an ice pack to Finn's bruised hand.

"He really should know better than to bring your past up." Finn replied as John woke Mark up by throwing cold water on him.

"Ow, my head." Mark muttered as he pulled himself.

"You're lucky you're only waking up with a headache and a hangover, asshat. You're lucky you're breathing at all!" Amanda responded angrily as she glared at Mark, who only remembered drinking tequila at the hotel bar. "It's been nice being back here but Finn and I are going home." She replied before they stood up to go get their things, only for John to stop them.

"I don't blame either of you one bit but there's supposed to be about three feet of snow heading our way tonight so the airports are being shut down." John explained before Luther walked in and John turned to him. "Get him on back to the hotel." He responded.

"Someone care to explain what happened?" Luther asked.

"Mark stumbled in drunk, throwing Mandy's past in her face so I punched him." Finn responded.

Luther held out his right hand to offer a handshake, Finn gripping it and the two shaking hands for a few seconds.

And Amanda hoped it was a step in the right direction.

 _ **11/7/15, Amanda's perspective…**_

I showered off after Finn and I got back home, shutting the shower off and wrapping a towel around myself after drying off.

Stepping out of the shower, I towel dried my hair before getting into black hiphugger panties and warm pajamas after putting the towels up to dry and spraying antiperspirant under my arms.

I still feel like I let George down big time by not going back home as often but life on the road makes us all compromise.

"Mandy?" Finn called out before I headed downstairs and we hugged each other tightly.

"Seth's gonna be out for a while, isn't he?" I questioned, both of us having heard about the knee injury.

"They're speculating that he'll be out until next summer at the earliest." Finn explained after we let go.

I still haven't called Seth to check in on him… I just don't know what to say or where he and I stand with each other and I feel like he doesn't know either.

I don't want to lose another friend… but Seth and I can't go on fighting.

Maybe in time, things will be how they used to or maybe not.

I look at an old photo album and see a note behind a picture of me, Sachael and George… and the note in George's handwriting as _Have A Little Faith In Me_ by John Hiatt played on the radio.

 _'Live life with no regrets, no matter what choices you've made.'_

I turned back to Finn, who cradled my face in his hands before we kissed and I wrapped my arms around him… and when our kiss stopped, we held each other.

"No regrets, Darlin'." Finn replied with a smile and I find myself smiling as well.

"None at all." I responded before we kissed again.

Life is too damn short to truly regret anything… because if we did, we wouldn't be able to fully enjoy the good things in life.


End file.
